The Problem with Not Having a Mom Tribe…

RMB just ran a blog post from a sister site written by an author claiming to not need a “Mom Tribe.” As I read the post, it completely resonated with me. In fact, I commented on the article that I felt it could have been written by me! 

Like the author, I do not have a lot of close friends, and the ones I do have are likely co-workers. As far as a best friend, I guess I would award that title to my sister.

When I go to functions at my children’s school, I see the other moms all talking to each other. I assume they must be the room moms and such. I, being a teacher myself, am never in my own children’s classrooms. I don’t even have a clue what to say to these other moms. And this has always been just fine with me, until that one day when it wasn’t…

You see, there was an event at the kids’ school. The moms were invited for a breakfast with their children, and my schedule happened to work out in a way such that I can do a breakfast. This is a tradition at their school that I have been able to attend every year. This year, for some reason, the process changed. What had taken about 20 minutes in the past was taking A LOT longer this year.

My kids and I were in line, waiting for breakfast, and had been for 40 minutes. I am coming to the realization that I am not going to be able to actually eat this breakfast with my children – the one event I attend a year – because I have to get back to my own school where my students will be waiting for class to begin. I began to prep my kids for the fact that I was going to have to abandon them in this line (the youngest one was now in tears), and I am looking around for someone, anyone, that could help me out. I am also in panic mode.

Why don’t I have a Mom Tribe?? Oh, right, because I am a tad anti-social when it comes to people I don’t see regularly. 

I spotted one mom I know well, but she was on her way out, and I couldn’t get her attention (and my cell service was lousy). And then, I saw the mom of my older son’s best friend. I ran to her and begged her to be a surrogate mother to my children, even though she and her children had already received, and eaten, their breakfasts, and she had sent them on to class. 

And being that she is an awesome person, she was more than happy to stay with my kids (who at this point were STILL IN LINE – going on 45 minutes now). She sat with my kids while they ate and she took a picture of them to show me that smiles had replaced the tears. She sent me a reassuring text.

That day, I arrived to my class with about 30 seconds to spare, a bit of an arching heart that was slightly healed my another mom, and a resolution to try to meet more moms since you never know when you might need some help!


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4 Responses to The Problem with Not Having a Mom Tribe…

  1. Cinella June 23, 2016 at 4:03 pm #

    Hugs… I too feel like I don’t have a mom-tribe even though I have a handfull that always say they are there for me when I need them. Which is odd to me cus I’ve only seen them at playdates that we have about twice a year. I guess I should try a bit more as well.

  2. Kendra June 24, 2016 at 11:34 pm #

    “I was ok not having friends until I needed a friend”
    The point of a “mom tribe” is that all of the moms give and all of the moms take. While the author’s version of a mom tribe is a group where she just takes and is unwilling and unable to give. That’s not a healthy relationship.

  3. Allisen F.
    Allisen F. June 28, 2016 at 9:20 am #

    I am sorry that is the impression I conveyed! I understand completely that it is a give and take relationship, which is why a “tribe” is awesome for people.

    I am not available a lot (see above where I couldn’t even stay for a stinkin’ breakfast!). This is only PART of the reason why, in a cafeteria full of moms, I could only find ONE whom I knew and felt I could ask to help me out. This particular mom is one whom I would help in a heartbeat. We take each other’s kids to sports practices, etc.

    My point was that had she not been there, I had not formed a relationship like that with any other mom in the room and would have had to completely abandon my kids.

  4. Crystal Green June 29, 2016 at 10:53 pm #

    I understand that situation all too well. I have a hard time making new friends or building last mom friendships. I try, but I do have a hard time being able to get away for Mom’s Night Out/In events. It puts a kink in things quite often.

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