Dear woman struggling to get pregnant,
This is one of the hardest life experiences you’ve ever had, possibly even the hardest. You feel like no one understands the emptiness you feel each month as you see a negative on another pregnancy test. You attend countless doctor appointments, you fill prescriptions, take supplements, give yourself shots daily, chart your temperatures and say a prayer every month. You spend the beginning of your cycle dreaming about your future baby, planning a nursery, and making lists of baby names. You are hopeful until you are crushed month after month with the news that once again you are not pregnant. You are on a roller coaster that you can’t get off of.
You can’t walk into a room without noticing all the pregnant women around you. You count them and your heart sinks. You suddenly feel as if everyone in the world can get pregnant except you. You dread logging onto to Facebook, fearing you’ll find another pregnancy announcement. Even worse, being bombarded with pregnancy announcements in person. At least on Facebook or by text you can hide your emotions. You can give yourself time to be selfish and cry that once again, someone else is pregnant and you worry that it will never be your turn. But you will muster up the strength to smile and congratulate your friend, sister, or co-worker. You know that a baby shower invitation will follow in a few months and you worry you won’t be able to hold it together through the event.
You feel alone and angry. Your friends try to sympathize, but unless they’ve been on your side of the fertility world they can’t. Your husband holds you while you cry, but even he doesn’t understand the fullness of your emptiness. The medicines you are on just make you feel crazy, weepy, and even rageful at times. You wonder if babies are good and a blessing, why you can’t experience that too. It’s not for lack of wanting, prayers, or trying. You want to scream at the next person that tells you that if you just relax and stop trying it will happen. If only things were so simple.
I want to give you hug. I want to buy you a cup a coffee and cry with you. I want you to know that I understand. I want you to know that even though you feel crazy, that you may not even like this version of yourself that you no longer recognize, you are still in there. You are fighting for a worthy cause. You are fighting for the babies you love already, even though they don’t exist in your world yet. You are amazing. You are stronger than you think and you will get through this. And you will never forget these feelings. You will always remember the pain of infertility, even when you make it to the other side. And one day, you will meet a woman who is walking this same path and you will cry for her because you know what she is feeling.
You will survive this. You will be stronger than you ever thought possible. You will be happy again. And you will never forget this pain. You are fighting for something worth fighting for. And you are not alone.
If you are struggling with infertility, we encourage you to seek support. Our local partner, Carolina Conceptions, offers a free support group. This is a great opportunity to connect with other women and couples that are having trouble getting pregnant or coping with diagnosed infertility issues.