I have been thinking a lot about our marriage lately. It has been 15 and a half L O N G years. Over the past few years, we have seen quite a few people near and dear to us decide to divorce. In my quest to understand those around me, I think I am beginning to see why people, whose marriages were just as long as ours, have thrown in the towel. Now, don’t go getting the wrong idea, here (if you are even reading this, because I highly doubt you are). I am not saying that I am ready to throw in the towel. I am just saying I understand.
We have three, lovely, adorable, smart (alack) children. You work hard. I work hard. All day, every day. We come home from work, where we are both catering to the demands of people around us, only to cater to the demands of smaller people around us.
You have spent the past year working on a home renovation project so we don’t have to spend the money hiring someone else to do it. You are saving us so much money to give us a better home. It is already looking so awesome, but the time demands are putting a strain on all of us. You and I both get that.
Among a myriad of other things, we see our youngest child’s report cards and know he is struggling to read. We both feel like we have to do more. I know you want to do more for him – I watch you work on sight words with him and work with “just right books.” You make time for him during all this house work.
But still, mom-guilt kicks in, and I feel like we must be “failures” because he is behind his peers, and then I get all stressed out. And let’s be honest, if he was the only child we had, and not the third child, would he be behind? If I was a stay-at-home-mom and we could read with him before 8:30pm, would he be behind?
But you know what? We read with him a lot. We are doing the best we can with a full family schedule.
Also, he’s six. How much were we reading at age six anyway? I feel like we are doing well to have family dinners most nights, the other two are doing well in school, for the most part the kids seem well adjusted (for now), and we have kept three humans alive! So I think we are doing pretty well!
Husband, with all that is going on, we don’t do much “US” anymore. We rarely talk without 20 interruptions. I crash at night while you are still working away on the house. We are not good about dating each other like “they” say you should. Our last two date nights involved dinner followed by trips to the local home improvement store! And we have the same disagreements over and over and over again. We have identified our main issues. We know we have to communicate better (who doesn’t have that issue?).
I am tired. You are tired.
But we are best friends, remember? Matched with sarcastic wit!
So let’s not throw in the towel. Instead, we need to take some time to refocus on us during all this chaos. And, when this house renovation is over, let’s throw down with the best party, and let’s not invite the kids.
Your Exhausted Wife