Lately I’ve been jealous of some of the juicy swag they make for babies, who by the way get to spend their days being carried around, snuggled, and told they’re adorable (everyone’s dream life). Here are five baby products I wish they made for adults. Millennial entrepreneurs, pay attention, I’m sure there’s a market for this stuff.
.1. Baby Swing
Lying in one of these suckers has to feel like being enveloped into a giant teddy bear hug while floating on a cloud. Instead of canned lullaby music, I’d want a hook up for my tablet to stream calming meditative music or soothing Hallmark Channel movies.
2. Merlin Magic Sleepsuit
In our house we refer to this as the Michelin Man suit. It’s kind of like a wearable baby sleeping bag/sumo costume that provides babies with a sense of security as they transition from the swaddle. It looks delightfully cushy and would generally be a hilarious addition to anyone’s nighttime wardrobe. Although getting out of it for a middle of the night bathroom break would be dicey. Good thing they already make adult diapers.
3. Baby Carrier
Have you ever been on a hike and wished someone could carry you the rest of the way? Or burned out too early shopping on Black Friday and dreamed of someone sweeping you off your feet and carrying you to the nearest Cinnabon? Problem solved. Introducing the wife carrier, sized to perfectly fit that strapping husband of yours.
4. Activity Center
An adult activity center would be the ultimate personal entertainment center. Picture a circular desk with a swivel chair in the middle. Everywhere you turn there’d be something awesome to do: snack bowls, a manicure station, an ipad for streaming trashy tv, and at your feet a massaging foot bath.
5. Nose Frida
The Swedes have brought us so many wonderful things: Ikea, H&M, Absolut Vodka – the list goes on. But this is by far my favorite. The Nose Frida is basically a tube you stick up your baby’s nose to suck out their snot. Try this innovation even once and you’ll never use a suction bulb again. It would be gold for sinus infections and nasty colds; instantly say goodbye to that stuffy nose. The only problem is that someone else has to do it for you, so the tube would need to be tweaked for self-administration.